Beyond the non-agreement
It begins with intimacy.
And so, I start with a failure. A nice buffer to being a dud on the connection front is a talent I do possess: trust. I trust and trust my trust. Being ‘screwed’ I fear not. Finding myself wronged or short, left, and lonely — no big deal. I actually never even think about it, nor am I fully aware of the probability of advantage-taking.
Even writing that feels odd, a little stupid, and highly naïve and good cause for the question: why bring this up?
Baggage is the answer. Ending this most…
On Being the Lesser Half
We don’t spend time.
Nor do we travel. Eat the same foods or share playlists. Our friends have little carry-over. My in-laws don’t speak to me. He talks to my parents, whom I rarely communicate with, daily.
I only sleep at home.
He never leaves the house; this was the case even before COVID.
He is older. I’m the one dying.
If quizzed, he would be in a pinch to say what I ‘do’. In my perception, he doesn’t accomplish squat.
He’ll never read my writing and I can’t remember the last time I bothered…
Crisis makes us strong and wildly inept.
I had a breakdown at Trader Joes.
Not this week, but once. OK, truth: I have had a good deal of breakdowns to various degrees at Trader Joes. Most particularly at the Brooklyn, Court Street Trader Joes, primarily mid-day, on a weekend, and I never, never give up my space in line.
The breakdown I am talking about here was some years ago after my assault. I am very certainly not saying “shortly after” my assault. It is assumed that “shortly after” means one might be freaking out in public “shortly after” an…
Working from the negative first.
I don’t experience a lot of stress and for this I am happy. Fortunately , really. I engage at a level obtuse to many and obscene to a few. Feel good. Keep going, Ask for more, So on. So forth.
What the above propensity does not teach, however, is very good stress management.
Before going into the weeds on that — I wish to throw my husband as an example (my favorite metaphorical punching bag returns!)
Robert loses everything. Forgets more. And nonetheless survives quite well.
Just this morning he lost his cell phone no…
An Ode to being Fired
There is certainly nothing like it ….
It can be said, and I do not disagree, that getting one’s heartbroken is a very good thing. Now that goes of love. Personal love. Erotic panging of heart. Romantic tanking with track marks and leases broken, eye make-up destroyed by too many tears, freak outs, screams, reunions that aren’t the most wise — all of it.
Honestly, I love this shit. I have been stepped on and devastated in the more fantastic ways. Truly. Ask me about being dumped in the airport with no return flight home…
Why we think we should read more and don’t.
I get a lot of flattering feedback on my readership.
Funny, as it is such a solitary activity, so who knows how good it is? Also humorous is that I am terminally bad at solitary activities.
You know how there is talk of ‘object permanence’? As in, if any object is out of persecution or mind it ceases to exist? In a literal sense we can think of the way babies are thought to perceive the universe- once a toy is tossed off the highchair or outside the crib, it is…
How to stay sexy without the effort.
As much as I like to bother with presentation, I welcome a healthy dose of ‘whatever’ as well.
This is my tee shirt; I am keeping it on. As we do on our date night, the playlist is on, and lighting low — though in a Brooklyn open loft design apartment, one only has so much leverage in atmosphere making. I am totally cool with keeping my top on.
A window, or skylight, if you will, to intimate recreations of me.
A forty-plus person (again, me) with a fifty-plus partner.
What if winning were easy?
A most Devilish misnomer.
I am laughing as I write this. Well, more like making a face similar to Mr. Yuk.
Success is a word like another I recently addressed: confidence.
It often serves as a pinnacle or mountaintop to surmount. Plant a flag in, Moon Landing style, wind in your hair, done for the day, fear and trip ups long behind and bliss for the taking.
These words are not stagnant, but dynamic relationship signifiers of things like courage, empathy, acceptance, evaluation, growth, expansion, maturation, and survival. Those terms are words of discourse and…
You may find yourself assuming everyone else has “it”.
Symptoms of this suspicion include:
An epic experiment in forever.
I think about Medieval times and meditate on plagues. You do, too, in your own way. Articles in all the major outlets not so subtly illude to the associations between more mortal times and our own.
“Our own” — what do I mean by that? What I am thinking on is how modernity constructs so many boundaries between life and the means to make and sustain it. This is not some “noble savage” hideous romanticizing of earlier times. I, very ardently, desire no other time than now. I like my iPhone and treasure the appendectomy…