Standing still.

That’s right, the complete opposite of growth.

When nothing is happening.

OK, that is far from true, but rather it is that I don’t like how I am feeling.

Dammit.

Why is that?

Well, it’s a lot of things. We got allergies, migraines, and rent increases. And, of course, there is business and life, the money and ‘work’ side, as well as the reason that boring stuff is worth dealing with: the relationships.

Those relationships aren’t just the people behind them; I’m also thinking about the me I am within them. There are all the cool ways they bridge into “personal”, and yet remain and expand into the “professional” and “professionally”. How those complexities are both an honor, fun, and a challenge. The effort, oh DAMN the effort. If we look at things operationally — that is a Hell of a lot of effort.

We have to remember both the facts and the ways of communicating. We have to be honest as well as kind. We need to maintain ourselves and think of them. To earn a living from these relationships there is to be candor and clarity and the insane willingness to both walk away and be walked away upon.

And then, there are our wants. My wants. And so: stagnation.

For my part (and I am writing so it’s all my part) it would be a simpler post if here I rolled into how I am “bad at thinking of myself.” But that is not true. I kind of only think about myself. It is my go to mind-topic. What I am not always great with is being OK with speaking from that obsession/wisdom/truth for a RIDICULOUS concern that might not be welcomed. WHAT THE HELL?! That is no kind of coaching?! I can’t allow my present, past, or future clients know such a thing?! That not only am I selfish but that I am selfishly ashamed about being selfish! Oh, and worst of all: that in my heart and depths of my soul I fear, and so act from that fear, and have shame about my own wants.

OK, another turning point …..Here we could talk about shame. And, come now, aren’t all conversations about shame in some sense ? (Yes. Yes, they are.) However, that is not where I am going, directly at least. What I am talking about is culture and the part we play in it.